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Dormant

It has been a while since I’ve written a post, and I have a few things I’d like to share with you:

• Bryson and I have recently implemented a new rule in our home. On Tuesdays, we unplug our internet and spend the whole day away from the rest of the world. Although it was strange at first, it is something we both truly look forward to.
Instead of scrolling through Instagram posts, and escaping through YouTube videos, we play cards.
We ski, we laugh, we eat candy, we clean the house, we clean the car and the smeared dog noses and cat noses from the windows.
We reconnect.

• We have been taking full advantage of the last bits of snow. Walking through these wild places, following deer and rabbit tracks. breathing in the cold and crisp winter air, and feeling the hairs in our noses stick together from the cold.

• Trout is growing like a weed and he and Ruby have truly become best friends.

• We have welcomed two new chickens into our home. Their names are Moose and Goose and we love them dearly.

• I have been experimenting with some new pieces in my studio and planning for a possible market season, Covid depending.

• Bryson and I are planning a move in the fall, more on that soon.

• I have been having a tough time with my anxiety lately.

I’ve been told by a few people who follow my blog or Instagram account, that they admire my lifestyle, and to be honest, I feel as though I am a constant work in progress.

There are times where my mental space isn’t the best and needs work, and there are even times like this past week where crippling anxiety has kept me from living normally.

In times like these, I feel scared to share how I truly feel because I’m worried I will be perceived differently.
Like my life won’t seem as idyllic as it might on social media, and people will lose interest and think that they can’t escape to my platforms for a dose of positivity.

As I write this, I’m starting to feel a bit better. Today truly feels like the first day of spring here on the property. We can hear all the snow melting and water dripping, and our road has become incredibly slippery.
Thigh-high snow has settled down to knee height and this has all reminded me that much like the seasons changing, things take time.

When I find myself in a pit of anxiety, it helps when I compare myself to a seed.
Sometimes I need to lie dormant during the winter months, so I can find myself planted in enriched soil and drenched in water and sunlight when spring arrives.

It’s ok to hide away, to feel anxious, or sad, or lonely, or uninspired because, in time, those feelings pass. They always do.

And in fact, we should normalize and share these feelings because they are so incredibly common.

So here I am, telling you that I’m not feeling great, I’m doubting myself, and my anxiety has been really bad recently, but I am working on it, and it’s going to be ok.

I hope you are all doing alright during these strange times, but I think we are starting to see a light at the end of this winding tunnel.
If you ever feel as though you need someone to talk to, I am always here to listen, and please remember, spring always comes after a dark cold winter.

talk soon,
Chloe

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